Are We Building or Are We Begging? Stop Pouring Into People Who Don’t Pour Back
- Jerusalem Brown, LPC, NCC
- Feb 8
- 5 min read
Have you ever found yourself constantly reaching out, initiating conversations, planning meetups, or making excuses for why someone just isn’t showing up for you? If so, let’s get one thing straight: your time and energy are not bottomless wells for people to drink from without giving anything in return. You deserve relationships built on mutual effort, not one-sided struggle.
When someone isn’t meeting you halfway, take it as a signal, not a challenge. It’s not an invitation to work harder, prove your worth, or convince them to care. If their energy is lacking, that’s your cue to redirect yours elsewhere.
Reciprocity vs. Emotional Labor: Why Your Energy Deserves Respect
Healthy romantic, platonic, or professional relationships are built on mutual investment, NOT breadcrumbing, NOT performing for approval, and NOT chasing after people who only engage when it’s convenient for them. If you’re the only one keeping the connection alive, it’s time to pause and ask yourself:
Would you keep putting money into a vending machine that never gives you anything back?
Would you keep refilling a cup with a hole in the bottom?
Would you keep knocking on a door that never opens?
If NOT, why pour your energy, love, and attention into someone who doesn’t reciprocate!?
Silence Is an Answer—And a Loud One
A lot of people struggle with rejection, but what we don’t always recognize is that disinterest isn’t always verbal—it shows up in their actions (or lack thereof). We tend to look for direct, unmistakable rejections, like someone saying, “I don’t want to be with you” or “I’m not interested.” But more often than not, people communicate their lack of interest through avoidance, inconsistency, and half-hearted engagement. It’s in the way they take hours or days to respond to a message while remaining active elsewhere. It’s in the way they make vague, non-committal plans that never come to fruition. It’s in their failure to initiate, to show up, or to make any meaningful effort to sustain the relationship.
When someone truly values you, their actions align with their words. But when they don’t? You’ll feel it in the gaps, uncertainty, and subtle ways they keep you at arm’s length. Silence, inconsistency, and avoidance are all answers—you just have to be willing to hear them.
🚩 Signs You’re Doing All the Work | ✅ What Healthy Reciprocity Looks Like |
You seem to initiate most of the conversations; they take forever to respond. | Communication flows naturally and consistently. |
They only engage when they need something or when it benefits them. | They genuinely enjoy your presence and prioritize connection. |
You feel like you have to “earn” their time or interest. | You feel valued simply for being yourself. |
They frequently cancel plans or keep you as a last-minute option. | They follow through because your time matters. |
You feel emotionally drained and underappreciated. | You feel seen, respected, and energized by the relationship. |
If someone truly values you, you won’t have to chase them down.
Rejection Is a Redirection, Not a Reflection of Your Worth
Let’s talk about rejection. Nobody enjoys it, but let’s be real—it’s not always a loss. Sometimes, it’s a gift in disguise. When someone doesn’t reciprocate your energy, it’s not a personal failure—it’s a redirection toward spaces and people that will.
Instead of internalizing rejection as “I’m not enough,” try reframing it as:
✔️ “This connection isn’t aligned with my energy.”
✔️ “This is making room for people who truly value me.”
✔️ “I don’t have to force what’s meant to flow naturally.”
Think of it this way: If a door slams shut, it’s because something behind it wasn’t meant for you. Maybe that job you didn’t get would have drained your passion. Maybe that friend who faded away was never truly in your corner. Maybe that person you were chasing wasn’t capable of loving you the way you deserve. Sometimes, rejection is protection.
Imagine pouring all your effort into someone who only saw you as an option. Imagine staying in a space where your value was constantly questioned instead of celebrated. Would you truly thrive there, or would you slowly shrink, settling for the bare minimum while your soul longed for something deeper?
Rejection isn’t about your inadequacy; it’s about misalignment. Think of it as a GPS rerouting you away from dead ends and straight into better opportunities. The friendships that feel effortless. The love that doesn’t leave you doubting. The career that aligns with your passion and purpose. The moment you stop chasing the wrong things, the right things start to find you.
And let’s be honest—being ignored, strung along, or treated like an afterthought is worse than a clear, honest ‘no.’ A firm boundary is always kinder than a lukewarm ‘maybe.’
The Power of Walking Away
Walking away isn’t just about leaving—it’s about choosing yourself over cycles that drain you. When you decide to walk away from people, spaces, and situations that don’t honor your worth, you’re making a statement: I am not disposable. My presence is a privilege.
Think of the woman who finally stops waiting for a half-hearted partner to love her correctly and instead embraces a life where she is cherished and adored. Think of the professional who stops begging for recognition at a job that overlooks them and instead pursues opportunities that appreciate their brilliance. Think of the friend who stops chasing after one-sided connections and instead invests in relationships where they feel seen, heard, and valued.
Leaving behind what doesn’t serve you isn’t about arrogance—it’s about preserving your peace and prioritizing spaces where you are appreciated. The people who belong in your life will meet you at your level, not expect you to lower yourself to be in theirs.
The moment you stop chasing and start honoring your energy, everything shifts:
You reclaim your power. No more over-giving to people who under-deliver.
You set the standard. Those who can’t meet it naturally fall away.
You attract better connections. Relationships that are built on mutual care, not convenience.
A throne is no place for beggars, and you are not a court jester performing for scraps of attention. If someone isn’t reciprocating, walk away with grace, knowing your energy is far too valuable for one-sided relationships.
Crowning Thoughts
If you take one thing from this, let it be this: you deserve to be in spaces where you are wanted, appreciated, and chosen—without having to convince anyone.
So, let’s reflect:
Have you been overextending yourself in relationships that don’t give back?
How would it feel to redirect your energy toward people who genuinely appreciate you?
What’s stopping you from walking away from people who only show up when it’s convenient for them?
If you’re ready to start prioritizing relationships that pour into you, not drain you, The (free) Welcome Wing Membership is here to help. We’re unpacking self-worth, emotional boundaries, and relationship reciprocity with real conversations, tools, and community.
Because royalty doesn’t beg, we reign.
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