Why We Shop When We're Feeling Empty: Exploring the Emotional Triggers Behind Spending Habits

Bishop Butterscotch
Jul 18, 2023
5 min read

Updated: Sep 17, 2023

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to shop till they drop, especially when they're feeling down? There's actually a deep connection between feeling emotionally empty and the urge to spend excessively. This isn't just a simple cause-and-effect relationship; it's influenced by a variety of factors like individual experiences, societal norms, and even our digital age. Let's dive into this topic and explore how feeling emotionally unfulfilled can lead to a problematic relationship with spending.

What Does It Mean to Feel Emotionally Empty?

Feeling emotionally empty is like having a void inside that you can't seem to fill. It's a feeling of loneliness, or not being good enough, or even a lack of purpose in life. An emotional void can also be an inward feeling of discontentment or dissatisfaction, which often manifests as feeling unfulfilled in life. Emotional voids can stem from various factors like unresolved emotional issues, traumatic experiences, an absence of meaningful relationships, or unmet psychological/emotional needs. Others think that our inner critic—those negative thoughts we tell ourselves—can make us feel this way, pushing us to seek comfort in other areas, like shopping.

An emotional void is a complex interplay among psychological, social, and environmental factors, and some psychologists believe that these feelings might come from unresolved issues from our past, particularly our childhood. Because childhood experiences play a pivotal role in shaping our emotional well-being, factors like neglect, abuse, inconsistent parental care, or lack of emotional support may all play a part in creating emotional voids. These experiences often prompt individuals to seek external sources of comfort and/or validation.

How Shopping Becomes a Quick Fix

You've probably heard of the term "retail therapy." It's the idea that going on a shopping spree can lift your spirits. For a moment, buying something new does feel good, because it releases feel-good chemicals in the brain. But this is often a short-lived joy, and once the excitement fades, the emotional emptiness is back, sometimes even worse than before.

Hear this: People who buy things impulsively from time-to-time are not considered Shopaholics. Now, let's delve deeper into the psychology of a shopaholic. Shopaholism (or compulsive buying disorder), is characterized by an urge to shop excessively, often leading to financial strain, broken relationships, and emotional distress. Sometimes the urge to shop feels irresistible and sometimes not. Either way, shopaholism is an impulsive and often-times addictive behavior similar to other addictions such as gambling. Addictions provide some sense of reward in the brain, which influences you to repeat said behavior. If there was no reward or a sense of gratification, it is highly unlikely that you'd repeat the behavior.

Shopaholics often turn to purchasing as a form of emotional relief. Retail therapy gives them a temporary escape from negative emotions like loneliness, sadness, or low self-esteem; plus it releases neurotransmitters like dopamine that provide pleasurable sensations that reinforce shopping as an emotional release mechanism - leading them on another cycle of seeking emotional comfort through shopping even though shopaholics frequently feel guilt or regret after indulging in impulse purchases that do not meet their emotional needs.

Shopaholics often experience a sense of control and empowerment when making purchasing decisions. In a world where many aspects of life may feel uncertain, acquiring material possessions can also provide a temporary sense of stability and satisfaction. Furthermore, acquiring and having certain items can serve to express an individual's identity, boost self-esteem, gain social approval, or ward off a fear of lack (I will discuss in another blog post).

However, it's essential to recognize that these psychological mechanisms, while understandable, can become problematic when they lead to excessive and uncontrollable buying behaviors. Interestingly, newer features like 'tap to pay' and iPhone payments have made shopping far more easier by providing convenience, speed, and enhanced security, while also contributing to the transition towards a cashless society (another topic we can discuss later). While the adoption of these convenient technologies continue to rise, it is essential to make connections to how such purchasing ease affects those of us who struggle with shopping impulsions.

Why Context Matters: Different Strokes for Different Folks

The way we handle emotional emptiness and the urge to spend can be different based on our background, culture, and life experiences. For example, in some communities, spending might be a way to fight against feelings of disempowerment or to show independence. On the other hand, some cultures view emotional emptiness not as a lack but as a balanced state of being, which contrasts with the Western focus on always being happy.

Social Media's Role: The Comparison Game

Social media platforms like Instagram or Facebook often make us feel like we're

missing out. It seems like everyone is happier, more successful, and living an exciting life. This feeling of missing out can both deepen our emotional emptiness and make us want to buy more to keep up appearances. Studies have shown that reducing social media use can actually make people feel less lonely and less depressed. What are some things and activities you can do besides scrolling?

What Can Be Done About It?

Instead of just treating the shopping habit, it's important to address the root cause—the emotional emptiness. Techniques like mindfulness and self-awareness can help you become aware of your triggers and emotional reactions. Coupling this with practical advice on managing your finances can lead to a healthier relationship with money and spending.

In psychotherapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be an effective therapy tool to combat excessive shopping and filling any emotional void that exists, by helping identify and modify distorted beliefs about shopping. You can also explore root causes, process unresolved emotions, and develop healthier coping mechanisms, which are all essential parts of therapeutic processes.

Conclusion

To summarize, the link between feeling emotionally empty and the habit of excessive spending is more complex than it might seem. It's influenced by a lot of factors—how we were raised, societal expectations, and even the impact of social media on our lives. Purchasing things to fill an emotional void can also stem from feelings of deep-seated dissatisfaction and unmet emotional needs. While you may not be a "shopaholics", the motive may be very similar as we may use shopping as a temporary way of managing or escaping negative emotions, which temporarily erects a sense of identity or control. Addressing the underlying emotional void and developing healthier coping strategies (whether you are a shopaholic or not) are crucial for long-term well-being and fulfillment.

By understanding these various factors and commit to action, we can take steps to manage both our emotional well-being and our financial health. As such, this conversation invites us all to take a closer look at why we do what we do, ideally helping us approach this subject in a more understanding and compassionate way.

#RetailTherapy #EmotionalVoidExploration #UnderstandingShopaholics #PsychologyOfCompulsiveBuying #RetailAddiction #FindingFulfillmentBeyondShopping #BreakingFreeFromExcessiveSpending #HealingEmotionalVoids #CopingWithCompulsiveBuying #ReclaimingControlOverRetailHabits #EmotionalSpending