Do You Throw Words Like Dodgeballs or Nah? Let’s Talk Healthy Communication.
- Jerusalem Brown, LPC, NCC
- Feb 8
- 6 min read
Let’s talk about it—because some of y’all swear you’re great communicators, but the people around you would beg to differ! Healthy communication isn’t just about saying what’s on your mind; it’s about how you say it, who you’re talking to, and whether the conversation leads to mutual understanding or just another round of emotional dodgeball. When communication is done right, it builds connection, trust, and respect. When communication is done wrong, it can create distance, confusion, and unnecessary drama.
The Communication Blueprint You Never Got
If you grew up in a home where yelling, shutting down, or dismissing emotions was the norm, guess what? That became your blueprint for communication. Maybe you were told how to feel instead of being asked, or every disagreement turned into a battle where the loudest person “won.” You might have learned early that your voice didn’t hold weight—so now, you either avoid hard conversations or bulldoze through them, fearing that if you don’t take control, you won’t be heard at all.
When you don’t see healthy communication modeled, it can be difficult to understand what it even looks like. You may repeat the same patterns you witnessed growing up or struggle to form meaningful relationships because conversations feel unsafe, one-sided, or downright exhausting.
Witnessing unhealthy communication in childhood can show up in your adult relationships in the following ways:
Feeling like you have to over-explain yourself just to be understood. Growing up unheard can make you feel like you need to constantly justify yourself so people don’t misinterpret your words or feelings.
Shutting down at the first sign of conflict because you associate disagreements with rejection. If speaking up resulted in punishment or being ignored, it makes sense why confrontation feels threatening now.
Using passive-aggression because saying things directly was never safe. You might resort to dropping hints, sarcasm, or avoidance instead of direct communication if your honesty was met with backlash.
Mistaking arguing for passion—because in your experience, love looked like chaos. If your parents or caregivers only showed strong emotions when they were upset, you might have internalized that intensity equals importance. Oof.
If this is hitting a little too close to home, just know that awareness is the first step toward change.
Are You the Problem, or Are They Just Used to You Being Silent?
Let’s be honest—if you’re constantly in disagreements or falling out with people, it might be YOU, boo. Healthy people don’t like drama, and if your words often leave people feeling defensive, misunderstood, or drained, you may need to reassess how you communicate.
Not every disagreement means you’re wrong, but if you find yourself in frequent conflict, it’s worth considering if your communication style is part of the problem. No one wants to admit that their way of expressing themselves might be pushing people away, but accountability is key to growth.
Signs You Might Be the Problem:
✅ You dominate conversations and don’t listen when people express themselves. Communication is a two-way street, but if you’re always doing the talking (or cutting people off), you’re not allowing for real dialogue.
✅ You use sarcasm, belittling, or a sharp tone instead of direct communication. If people say they feel disrespected or attacked when talking to you, that’s a sign your delivery needs work.
✅ You get defensive every time someone gives you feedback. If your first instinct is to justify yourself instead of hearing them out, you might prioritize being “right” over everything.
✅ People tell you they feel unheard, dismissed, or exhausted after talking to you. If you are the common denominator in multiple conflicts, it’s time to reassess your approach.
✅ You think everyone else is too sensitive instead of considering how you come across. Sure, not everyone will like what you say, but if you’re constantly at odds with others, it’s worth asking: Is it me?
✅ Conflict follows you like a shadow—at work, in friendships, in relationships. Healthy communication reduces conflict; it does not create more conflict. If there’s constant friction in your interactions, that’s a signal to reflect.
Did any of these sound familiar? Be honest—did someone in particular come to mind while reading this, or did you recognize a little bit of yourself? Self-awareness is key to growth.
But hold up! Sometimes, the problem isn’t you—it’s the people you’re dealing with. Let me explain.
Signs You’re Speaking Up Healthily, but They Haven’t Grown:
✅ You’ve learned to state your feelings and boundaries, but they push back every time. Growth means recognizing what’s acceptable and standing by it, even when others resist.
✅ You’re no longer passive; they take your newfound assertiveness as ‘disrespect.’ Some people are only comfortable with you if you stay small. When you outgrow your silence, they may try to guilt or shame you back into submission.
✅ They use guilt, shame, or anger to get you to back down. If they’re manipulating your emotions instead of engaging in a healthy discussion, they’re not practicing healthy communication.
✅ They’re stuck in old dynamics where your silence benefited them. Some people liked it when you didn’t speak up—it made things easier for them. But your growth isn’t about their comfort.
✅ You’re doing the work on yourself, and they’re…well…NOT. You’re evolving. If they refuse to meet you in that growth, dragging them along is not your job.
Have you been feeling resistance from certain people as you've grown? Are the same conflicts popping up even though you've changed how you communicate? Pay attention—this could be a sign that they're struggling to adjust to the new, more assertive you.
Breaking Free from Dysfunctional Communication
If arguing feels like the only way you can be "heard" or “seen,” or if disrespect is your default when you’re upset, it’s time for a shift. Healthy conversations require emotional maturity, accountability, and mutual respect.
Here’s how to practice healthy communication with people who actually value connection:
✔ Listen to understand, not to respond. (Seriously, stop planning your comeback while they’re still talking.)
✔ Validate their feelings, even if you disagree. (“I hear you. That makes sense from your perspective.” This does not mean you are "co-signing," it means you are willing to hear them out.)
✔ State your thoughts with clarity and calmness. (“I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always…”)
✔ Keep the goal in mind. Is this about winning, or is it about understanding and/or solutions?
✔ Check your tone. How you say it matters just as much as what you say. (I can't stress this one enough!!!)
✔ Know when to walk away. Not every argument needs a winner (or your attention). Some people aren’t worth the debate (Bye, Bih!).
Crowning Thoughts
Real talk: healthy communication isn’t just about talking—it’s about connecting. If every disagreement feels like a war, if people constantly tell you they feel unheard, or if you find yourself in the same toxic cycles, it’s time to ask: Can you actually disagree without disrespect, or nah?
If this post made you reflect, congratulations—you’re on the road to healthier interactions. And if you know somebody who needs to read this, go ahead and send it their way. (Just don’t start no mess in the group chat!) 👑✨
Are You a Communication Champ or an Emotional Dodgeball Defender? Let’s Find Out! 🏆🏀
We all like to think we’re great communicators… but are we really? 👀
Do you express yourself clearly or throw words like dodgeballs? Are you handling disagreements like a pro, or are your conversations one step away from WWE SmackDown? 😅
✨ Take this quick quiz to find out where you stand! ✨
🔹 Are you the problem, or just surrounded by the wrong people?
🔹 Do your conversations build connection—or start unnecessary drama?
🔹 Can you handle disagreements without dodging accountability?
💡 Answer 10 fun but real questions, total your score, and see where you land!
👇 Click below to take the quiz and drop your results in the comments! 👇
💬 Let’s talk—without dodging! 🏀✨
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