What's Your Social Appetite?
Familiarity, Connection, and the Pleasure of Discovery
I'm a solo dolo kind of woman, so finding myself in my very first friend group chat was a new experience. I've always been comfortable with my own company and didn't expect any huge swings in my social life. But I welcomed the experience, especially because it came during one of the toughest periods of my life: losing my mother and navigating the complicated grief attached to it. Those women provided companionship during a tremendously difficult season, and I remain genuinely grateful for their presence.
As the months passed, I began noticing our conversational rhythm. We'd check in, sometimes acknowledge each other, and eventually things would go quiet. Sometimes someone would share music, a video, an observation, or something funny, only to be met with complete silence. I'd occasionally introduce something, hoping to spark a conversation, and...crickets. Now, I'm not saying every message deserves a full dissertation, but sometimes I'd find myself thinking, Okay, we've successfully established that everybody is alive. Now what?
What intrigued me wasn't necessarily the silence. It was my growing awareness of what I actually enjoy about companionship now. I'm naturally curious, and I love unexpected conversations, funny stories that get progressively more ridiculous when somebody adds their two cents, random realizations, and the occasional exchange of complete foolishness. I'm not the type of woman who needs daily conversations, but when we connect, I enjoy having something to get into or kiki about!
I also began recognizing that our lives have different demands, and we don't always have the same bandwidth for engagement. I could appreciate those differences and still be curious about what I wanted from companionship.
And that got me thinking...
Are your relationships satisfying your social appetite, or have you simply become accustomed to what's being served?
Familiarity vs. Connection: What's Actually Being Served?
Familiarity has its pleasures. Some folks already know your backstory, share years of history, and can pick up where you left off after months (or even years) without missing a beat. Others stay in touch through occasional check-ins that don't necessarily lead to longer conversations. It's comforting to be remembered and recognized, especially by people who've witnessed different chapters of your life. Sometimes that ease is exactly what you want.
Now, being familiar with someone doesn't mean we don't know them. We may know them quite well. But knowing someone's history and continuing to discover who they're becoming aren't necessarily the same experience. To me, connection has a little more movement and intentionality. We ask follow-up questions, run with an idea, exchange perspectives, or discover something about each other we didn't know before. The conversation goes somewhere! And it doesn't always have to involve deep emotional revelations. Sometimes we're just enjoying the hell out of each other's company.
There's comfort in what we know, and pleasure in what we're still discovering.
Let's take a look at the menu.
We're Not All Ordering the Same Thing
We can genuinely appreciate or respect someone without wanting the same kind of connection, but connection requires at least some mutual interest. The more I considered my own social appetite, the more I realized that what satisfies me might leave someone else asking for the check. After all, our preferences can vary depending on the person, the occasion, or even our mood.
Then there's chemistry, which we can't manufacture simply because we have history or good intentions. Everyone ain't for everybody. I certainly don't find everybody delightful, so it'd be ridiculous to assume everyone wants to experience my fabulous personality. Sometimes the vibe just ain't vibing. No beef.
Neither person has to be wrong for the mismatch to matter.
Which raises another question: How do we know whether we're actually satisfied?
How's It Hitting?
We often think of relationships in terms of how long we've known someone, how often we communicate, or the roles we play in each other's lives. Those things can matter without necessarily telling us whether we're enjoying the interactions themselves. Social satisfaction is about how well what we enjoy aligns with what we're actually experiencing. It isn't a judgment of someone's value or an expectation that any one relationship should satisfy our entire appetite. Our interests, circumstances, and preferences can change; what satisfied us five years ago may not satisfy us today.
That's what inspired SIDE B of the MHM Diner menu: Your Order, Your Way. There's no prize for ordering extra spicy, and mild isn't a consolation prize. We're simply exploring what satisfies us without assuming everybody's appetite should look the same.
So, how's it hitting? Does what you're experiencing reflect what you actually enjoy?
Download the complete, two-sided MHM Diner Relationship Menu to keep, revisit, or share.
There's More On the Menu
One thing I find genuinely intriguing about this season of my life is knowing I haven't met all the people I'll love (and who'll love me back), or all the people I'm going to laugh with.
Think about that. Somewhere, someone is having an experience right now that might eventually become one of my favorite stories to hear.
Maybe I'll meet someone at an art exhibition whose interpretation of a piece introduces something I hadn't considered. Perhaps a casual conversation about music will wander into someone's interesting life story. Or maybe I'll meet someone whose observations are so hilariously outrageous that we spend half our conversation trying to recover from the laughter.
More importantly, I'll be someone's unexpected discovery, too. Perhaps they'll appreciate my intensity, find my peculiar sense of humor hilarious, or enjoy following my thoughts down a rabbit hole. Imagine encountering someone who's just as fascinated by your mind and personality as you are by theirs. Now, that's a different kind of pleasure.
And the possibilities aren't limited to people I haven't met. There may be folks I've known for years whose interests, experiences, or wonderfully peculiar personalities I've barely scratched the surface of. Imagine what we might discover if we wandered beyond our usual conversations.
Some encounters might become lasting relationships, while others may simply be enjoyable moments that leave us smiling long after they're over.
And I rather like the idea that some of my favorite social experiences may still be ahead of me.
What Are You Ordering?
Now, what are you noticing about your social appetite?
Maybe the usual is exactly what satisfies you, or maybe it's simply what you've always been served. The difference matters, and you get to decide what it means for you, and whether you'd like to do anything about it.
And perhaps it's gratifying to remember that we haven't experienced everyone or everything we'll enjoy in this lifetime.
There's a whole world of personalities walking around, minding their business, completely unaware that they're going to contribute to someone else's enjoyment of life.
And that somebody might be you.
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