MHM Psychocultural Artist Series: Love Me Grown or Take Your Funky *ss On!
Mary J. Obliged returns with a song entitled “Bring It Steady”
Mary J. Obliged is back with another soulful offering, "Bring It Steady," and this time, our resident Overfunctioner was in love, and she has a few things to get off her chest. She's not asking for the moon, a parade, or someone to move heaven and earth for her. She's asking for something considerably less glamorous and apparently much harder to deliver: consistency.
Because at some point, "Baby, I got it" needs to become something other than an announcement. And Mary has heard enough announcements these days.
When the Love Is Real, but the Follow-Through Isn't
One of the more complicated experiences in relationships is loving someone whose repeated choices keep disappointing us, not because every moment is miserable or the person has no other redeeming qualities, but sometimes the affection is genuine; the chemistry is undeniable; and we can laugh together, share intimate moments, build memories, and feel enough tenderness to understand why we wanted the relationship in the first place.
That's what makes the disappointment difficult to reconcile.
We aren't necessarily holding on to an entirely imaginary version of someone. We've experienced their better qualities firsthand; we've seen what they're capable of, enjoyed what they bring into our lives, and hoped those qualities would also become more consistent.
Someone's capacity to show up well occasionally isn't the same as their commitment to showing up consistently.
And how many times can we keep extending grace before we have to examine what grace is actually accommodating (or overaccommodating, in this case)?
For Mary, the overfunctioner, this question can get particularly uncomfortable. Being capable, dependable, and resourceful are wonderful qualities until those strengths become the relationship's unofficial emergency response system all the damn time. We remember what needs attention, anticipate what might go wrong, follow up on promises, and quietly handle whatever falls through.
Eventually, the other person may become so accustomed to our competence that they mistake it for an agreement to keep compensating for their choices.
Meanwhile, we're growing tired of being the person who makes everything work.
Sometimes Love Has to Hear No
Here's where Mary's story becomes more than another tale of romantic frustration.
Recognizing a pattern and deciding to stop participating in it are two different experiences.
We can see what's happening, understand how it affects us, and still struggle with what changing our participation might mean for someone we genuinely love.
Attachment doesn't disappear because disappointment keeps showing up, and unfortunately, neither does attraction. Sometimes the hardest boundary isn't the one we set with someone we no longer want; it's the one we establish with someone we still desire.
But self-respect eventually asks a question that affection alone cannot answer:
You see the pattern. How much longer are you willing to repeat it?
For Mary, putting herself first doesn't mean her feelings for her partner have suddenly evaporated. It means she's no longer willing to keep overlooking her own needs to preserve a relationship that repeatedly requires her to forget about herself.
She can love him, she can enjoy him, she can acknowledge that the brother is fine as frog hair, AND she can still decide to tell him to take his funky *ss on!
Because loving someone doesn't obligate us to keep volunteering for the same disappointment over and over again. Can I get an amen?
🎬 Now Playing: Bring It Steady
Through R&B, Mary J. Obliged invites us into another chapter of her life.
So turn it up, enjoy the story, and see what resonates.
🎵 Read the Lyrics: Bring It Steady
[Intro]
Mmm...Mmm, yeah...Yeah...Mmm...Mmm, yeah...
[Verse 1]
You said you had it handled. Keys still on my table. Bills tucked in the cookbook. Rent due Friday, baby
I don't need a promise. Dressed up in a grin. Tell me what you finished. And tell me what's next
[Pre-Chorus]
I learned to count on what I see, not what you swear you're gonna be
Come correct, come clear Mmm...I got good ears
[Chorus]
Bring it steady, bring it right. Keep your word when the week gets tight
I can meet you halfway, that's true, but I won't carry all of you
Ooh, bring it steady, let me know. Say what you mean and let it show
Love me grown, love me plain. Stand beside me in the hard days
[Verse 2]
Mama kept a coffee tin behind the flour sack. Every dollar had a purpose. Every promise had a track
So don't come talking big. With your pockets turned inside, I can spot a borrowed shine from the other side
[Pre-Chorus]
I learned to count on what I see, not what you swear you're gonna be
Come correct, come clear Mmm...I got good ears
[Chorus]
Bring it steady, bring it right. Keep your word when the week gets tight
I can meet you halfway, that's true, but I won't carry all of you
Ooh, bring it steady, let me know. Say what you mean and let it show
Love me grown, love me plain. Stand beside me in the hard days
[Bridge]
No grand entrance. No parade
Just show up when the choice gets made
Take your turnI'll take mine
Keep the truth in the same straight line
[Final Chorus]
Bring it steady, bring it right. Keep your word when the week gets tight
I can meet you halfway, that's true, but I won't carry all of you
Ooh, bring it steady, let me know. Say what you mean and let it show
Love me grown, love me plain. Stand beside me in the hard days
[Outro]
Come correct, come clear Mmm...
I got good ears Mmm...
Count on what you see, not what they say they’re gonna be.
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